SGP's How to Understand Women Even Better Learner's Log [NOT about flirting and dating]

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The purpose of this log is writing down my personal learning progress on how to understand women even better, citing some sources on that, doing some revisions as well, etc. Because I really believe in the idea of life-long learning about All Things Communication, I already was thinking about starting a log like this for a little while. 


This log about documenting a particular person's learning progress :) is not about flirting and dating, nor about anything that addresses these matters. So even if a certain Very Generic article on how to understand any aspect of women's personalities [*] that I am currently learning about would be on a site on flirting or dating, I still wouldn't quote it here.


[*] This log isn't about any baseless generalizations either.

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As it has been mentioned in the intro post, this log isn't about learning something new only, but also about some repetitions / revising something.


- Men and women are far from 100% differing from each other. But often there are several significant differences, generally speaking. (As it, also, has been mentioned in the intro post, this log wouldn't be about any baseless generalizations). Now what I wrote above may sound like pointing out the obvious. But there is more to it.


- When there is an unpleasant feeling, in some situations, it can be more useful to focus on that very feeling, rather than saying, "but this feeling's cause was something unimportant". Because even if it really was like this, the particular feeling still would be something major to her. ("her": any particular woman to whom that situation applies).


- Some persons (including, but not limited to, women) wouldn't like being told to calm down when they are angry. On one hand, (at least theoretically) it could be a useful reminder for anyone to calm down. On the other hand, some might not like it. Now I wonder why. And whenever I say "why?" in a case like this, it is a Plain Interrogative Question only ;).

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SGP wrote:
Because I really believe in the idea of life-long learning about All Things Communication, I already was thinking about starting a log like this for a little while.


Of all the off-topic things, that's an interesting attempt to bring this back to this forum. And also probably the most controversial to date.  

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Ha, I love the title of this thread :D Good on the clarification :D 


I will follow this thread closely haha :D 

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The following post is very (!) long. But I don't doubt at all that it can be a really big source of amusement for some of you, especially the females.


dragonsky wrote:
Ha, I love the title of this thread :D Good on the clarification :D
I will follow this thread closely haha :D


These clarifications really were necessary


And, in addition, there is something else I would like to tell you all. It is (also) related to the reasons of why I do not intend to discuss any "flirting tips" in this log, even if too many females (offline), on their part, try to flirt with me way too often.......


Before even starting to thread, I did mention my idea to a certain woman I know (although it is an online contact "only"; she also is on the other side of The Great Lake anyway). The planned title already was approximately the same. However, I didn't decide yet whether I would want to explicitly state that it isn't about flirting and dating or not. Even if I didn't intend it to be about that anyway.


She told me that at least in some parts of the US, "understanding women" is used as an euphemism for "attracting women". And that isn't at all what this log is about. It its is the thread starter whom a certain number of them looks at way too often... as "we all" already spoke about here:

https://languagetools.io/forum/pp/9932


But optimizing just any aspect of communication and understanding is something I really do like. So that's what this log is about. In addition, if there really would be a certain welcome side-effect, well, I am not saying that I would have any problems with that, you know ... Now what possible side-effect am I even talking about?


Well... as I continue learning more and more about how to understand women even better, while increasingly applying that knowledge, too, this could also lead any day to one of these whom I personally would consider as very interesting (after realizing her hidden potential) proving to me what she had been hiding in the past. I.e. that she really would be among the (very few, if they exist at all) women whom I, personally, consider as interesting enough. 


Although I am writing this log independently of this (possible, but sort of Very Low Probability) additional outcome.


Understanding women even better has more than enough (other) benefits as well.


My standards are very, very high anyway, and they cannot be fulfilled by the means of make-up or wearing some "super fancy" clothes. In fact, the less she tries to impress any other men, the more she just might be impressing myself. 


Recently, I talked to one of those who sometimes tried to flirt with me (she tried it more intensely than some other women, and even them, they also tried more than just one flirtation thing or two...). I told her, using some not-too-direct language, that to me, well, she is one out of hundreds only.


She (being someone with a not-so-unique personality, but I didn't mention that one to her too clearly) could try as she may, but she isn't supposed to go anywhere. Then I told her that I hope having been clear enough, hinting to not being interested in any more flirting attempts of her. Now that was the last thing I told her, apart from explicitly mentioning that this is a farewell to her, personally (we never met anywhere on purpose anyway, but sometimes she simply was at the same public place). 


I paid close attention to emphasizing "personally", because otherwise, it also could sound like the farewell of someone who simply is moving to the Caribbean. But in a certain sense, I have been living there anyway for a long time, on a mysterious, stunningly beautiful, but unknown island, and I still do. Although I never was there in the same way as someone who physically inhabits any of these islands .


So why should I relocate there when I already am there 24/7 anyway? (I.e. twenty-four hours, seven days a week). Quoting Sebastian the Red Talking Crab (and yes, he definitely, really, said "is" instead of "are"!):


The seaweed is always greener in somebody else's lake

You dream about going up there, but dat is a big mistake

Just look at the world around you, right here on the ocean floor

Such wonderful tings around you, what more is you looking for?


By the way, this particular woman wasn't the only one I told something like this (about the flirting and farewell, not about the Caribbean). I also spoke to a few others, using various degrees of directness or indirectness. I didn't forget the farewell either, sometimes non-verbally, and at least on one other occasion it was fully verbal. And I'd let you all to know that I do care a lot about the feelings of others as well, including, but not limited to, females. It's just that these particular women didn't react to my non-verbal messages of not being interested in their flirting attempts, in addition to themselves having done them in a rather "aggressive" way, as if they were advertising frying pans on a TV show that includes nothing but ads...


As for some other females, a very few of them might be able to (sufficiently) impress me if I provided them with a few tips on doing so every now and then. But still, that challenge is way too difficult for most of them at least. The main work would still be "up to them", if they wanted to do it, and I am not saying at all that they "have to do so" or anything like that. It would require some great efforts of ... improving certain parts of their personalities, and so on. Like moving away from being ... one out of too many copycats who only mimic someone like Kim Kardashian or another "famous for being famous" person. But I do fully realize that not every women is like this. 


And I kid you not. A short time ago, I was in any shop. Before leaving, I told one of the shopkeepers (whom I already talked to a few times, and yes, it is a female, too, but she doesn't try anything) that I (!) am entirely unreachable for Kim Kardashian. No, that is not a typo. No, I didn't mean to say it the other way around.


And once again, even if I would be 100% certain that none of the "very interesting for me personally" women out there would ever reveal her "interestingness" to me, that still wouldn't stop me at all from writing this log. Because understanding women even better has more than enough other benefits, too.





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Good luck 😅

do the right thing even when nobody is watching

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Michelle.Batan wrote:
Good luck 😅

Your smiley (emoji) speaks for itself.


Good luck with writing the log?

Or good luck with the (possible, but very low probability) side-effect?

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After the long read,I'm still at loss as to how you plan to "understand" women.

Oh SGP, we're so lucky to have you.lets all work hard enough to be more "interesting" to you.

"Kim is famous for doing nothing".

You're doing something,has the world changed?

Have you thought about it that perhaps if you weren't so condescending in your writing,you'd probably make a good point?

Kevwe A.

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First of all, I do thank you, Oghenekevwe.

We may not agree on everything. 

But underneath it all (below the Tip of the Iceberg), you also provide some really valuable input. What kind of input? The one that helps understanding women even better.


Oghenekevwe wrote:
After the long read,I'm still at loss as to how you plan to "understand" women.


Several ways. Including, but not limited to:


- Writing down some personal thoughts, observations, etc.


- Reading any replies made by women, and responding to them in this thread.


- Posting something I read and mentioning its source. It goes without saying that anyone (but especially the women among the users) can then simply add something if they choose to do. This also, without any doubt, applies when they don't agree to any particular quote. Not everything that I would quote would necessarily be something I agree to either. However, of course I always (visibly) distinguish between my own words and citations of someone else's sayings.


Oghenekevwe wrote:
Oh SGP, we're so lucky to have you.lets all work hard enough to be more "interesting" to you.

Oh the irony.


And let me tell you something. I made it very clear in this thread's intro post that this log isn't about any baseless generalizations. So maybe you would have missed that my previous (long) post wasn't about "the women" in general...


Among the topics I addressed in it was the "phenomenon" of Plain Fashion Magazine Copycatism, women who don't have too much of a unique personality (although this happens to too many men as well, but this log isn't called "How to understand men even better"...), and a large number of other subtopics.


Also, I am fully aware of the fact that there definitely are many women with a much more unique personality than those I was talking about. How could I even try to deny the obvious? 


And if you'd ask me to name three examples of them right here on this forum, I wouldn't even need to think of an answer. Jess. Jade. Oghenekevwe. 


Oghenekevwe wrote:
"Kim is famous for doing nothing".


These weren't my words. Instead, I called her "famous for being famous".


Oghenekevwe wrote:
You're doing something,has the world changed?

I even go as far as saying that any action done by anyone does change the world to some extent, no matter how small or big these changes would be.


Oghenekevwe wrote:
Have you thought about it that perhaps if you weren't so condescending in your writing,you'd probably make a good point?


As for this whole "condescending" thing, I agree with you that it is one of the possible interpretations of what I wrote.


But how do you know what I really meant?


Maybe there is more than meets the eye.

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Thank you for your kind words SGP.

You just might be onto something here...

Looking forward to your next post.

Kevwe A.

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I'm pretty sure a lot of the confusion is because many women don't understand theirselves, walking through life trying to figure out what they want versus what society dictates they confirm or indeed rebel against... 


How can anyone else understand them when they are so flippant with what they project as an identity?

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Jade.Xuereb wrote:

I'm pretty sure a lot of the confusion is because many women don't understand theirselves, walking through life trying to figure out what they want versus what society dictates they confirm or indeed rebel against...

How can anyone else understand them when they are so flippant with what they project as an identity?


This is what I call interesting input. Right now my mind is (sort of) occupied by what I read just now. Because ... well, that's what the following post would be about. But I'd like to get back to what you wrote later.

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When I was doing a little bit of research for this log, I stumbled upon ... something. Now I'd like to share it with you all. But be warned. It made me laugh a great deal until my stomach had been hurt because some of it simply is wayyy too nonsensical or way too simplified.


It is one of the answers to a question asked on quora . com. The second answer, to be specific. And at the end of it, this person's "source" has been mentioned. Guess what? It simply says "facebook . com", without being any more specific. In addition, I do realize that not everyone (far from it) who might write an answer like this would be serious. But still... I fully do like to include it in this log because it illustrates that not everything is as simple as it could seem to some.


"What are the significant behavioral differences between men and women?" (emphasis added)


www . quora . com/What-are-the-significant-behavioral-differences-between-men-and-women wrote:

10 INTERESTING HUMAN BRAIN ANALYSIS – MEN vs. WOMEN

1.Women-Multi-tasking – Multiple process

Womens brains designed to concentrate multiple task at a time.

Women can Watch a TV and Talk over phone and cook.

Men – single process

Mens brains designed to concentrate only one work at a time. Men can not watch TV and talk over the phone at the same time. they stop the TV while Talking. They can either watch TV or talk over the phone or cook.

2 language

Women can easily learn many languages. But can not find solutions to problems. Men can not easily learn languages, they can easily solve problems. That’s why in average a 3 years old girl has three times higher vocabulary than a 3 years old boy.,

3.anaylytical process

Mens brains has a lot of space for handling the analytical process. They can analyze and find the solution for a process and design a map of a building easily. But If a complex map is viewed by women, they can not understand it. Women can not understand the details of a map easily, For them it is just a dump of lines on a paper.

4. car driving

While driving a car, mans analytical spaces are used in his brain. He can drive a car fastly. If he sees an object at long distance, immediately his brain classifies the object (bus or van or car) direction and speed of the object and he drives accordingly. Where woman take a long time to recognize the object direction/ speed. Mans single process mind stops the audio in the car (if any), then concentrates only on driving.

5.Ability to Lie

When men lie to women face to face, they get caught easily. Womans super natural brain observes facial expression 70%, body language 20% and words coming from the mouth 10%. Mens brain does not have this. Women easily lie to men face to face.

So guys, do not lie face to face.

6. Problem solving

  

If a man have a lot of problems, his brain clearly classifies the problems and puts them in individual rooms in the brain and then finds the solution one by one. You can see many guys looking at the sky for a long time. If a woman has a lot of problems, her brain can not classify the problems. she wants some one to hear that. After telling everything to a person she goes happily to bed. She does not worry about the problems being solved or not.

7.what they want

Men want status, success, solutions, big process, etc… But Women want relationship, friends, family, etc…

8.Unhappiness

If women are unhappy with their relations, they can not concentrate on their work. If men are unhappy with their work, they can not concentrate on the relations.

9.speech

Women use indirect language in speech. But Men use direct language.

10. Handling emotions

Women talk a lot without thinking. Men act a lot without thinking.

Read all the points and understand the behavioral pattern of men and women.

And edits are welcome.

Source- facebook . com

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www . psychologytoday . com/us/blog/our-gender-ourselves/201408/6-ways-men-and-women-are-mostly-different wrote:
1. She wants it all. So does he. When we talk about how men and women define success, we often generalize: Women want balance, or to “have it all.” Men want status, and its symbols—houses, cars, stuff. But that’s not the whole story.[...] Both genders, meanwhile, ranked the qualities of career success in this order: Work-life balance, then money, and then recognition.

2. She wears her heart on her sleeve. He tucks it away. If I’ve heard this once, I’ve heard it a thousand times: “He can’t connect emotionally.”[...]

3. She fights. He takes flight. Perhaps this sounds familiar: A bad day for her ends in tears and a desire to rehash what went wrong and who did what, followed by a plan for how to “fix” it. For him? A short outburst, and then, end of discussion—a night of TV or a glass of scotch.[...]

4. She has lots of friends. He has, well, fewer.[...] Men have fewer friends than women, on average, and those friendships are different. They confide in each other less. They don’t talk. Instead, they “do stuff”—golf, ski, drink.[...]

5. She multi-tasks. He’s laser-focused.[...]So when he asks not to be interrupted, he’s not being brusque: It’s simply how he operates best.[...]

6. She regrets. So does he.[...]Studies show that men tend to regret things they hadn’t done, while women regretted things they had.

 

www . practicalecommerce . com/Behavioral-Differences-Between-Men-and-Women-Influence-Shopping wrote:
Retail is the dominion of women; they shop to purchase both essential and discretionary goods, to relax, and to socialize. So it’s not surprising that women account for over 80 percent of consumer spending, or about $5 trillion dollars annually, according to the U.S. Census Bureau. Men, in contrast, are reluctant store shoppers and much more focused, shopping only if they intend to buy a specific item and wanting to get in and out quickly. A number of research studies show that much of this admittedly stereotypical behavior carries over to online shopping.[...]

Men tend to stick to their mission when shopping online, while women expand the undertaking by wandering among products and categories, according to a survey by Empathica, a customer experience consultancy. [...]

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Well i want it all SGP.

I wrote this, took a second look at your writings, saw exactly what i wrote and started laughing at myself.

The article from Psychology Today is almost too accurate...Almost...

Kevwe A.

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Oghenekevwe wrote:
I wrote this, took a second look at your writings, saw exactly what i wrote and started laughing at myself.
The article from Psychology Today is almost too accurate...Almost...


After having read your reply Oghenekevwe, I started to wonder which things would be more of a "generic women behavior", and which things would be much more about "they differ from woman to woman". Of course, I do know that one couldn't always make too many very general statements. But still. This question is part of the learning process.


Everyone could reply.

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Topic about understanding women is a broad one but very interesting!!!!!!!  

Charlyn Amoin

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Now I'd like to ask the women on this forum a question. And I'd really like you all to note that (as I already pointed out in the past), this isn't about bashing half of the world's population or anything like that... It's just that I really started getting (literally) more tired and exhausted as the time went on. Now even more women try to impress me in a certain way... This even has been the topic of two (German) videos of mine. The first one got a lot more views than many of the other videos... In addition, I am also trying one tea blend after another as an additional way of reducing stress that is being caused by "a certain type" of females, and definitely not by all or most of them!


So my question is...


If someone has got major difficulties going to just any shop without a rather large number of females flirting with him, what could he do to signalize the following? 


"No offense, but way too many women already try to flirt with me. So I really got used to it, and I don't consider it something special any more. In case you are serious, you just might try to impress me, but without putting on a lot of make-up and so on. If I think that you are more special than most of the others whom I see, then I just might give you an opportunity to prove yourself. Otherwise, I simply have to move on, and I wouldn't want you to try to flirt with me in the future either, because way too many are doing it anyway".

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It is difficult to express that without sounding arrogant. I will say that a large number of beautiful young women are employed in retail, and they do have to be smiling and helpful and paying attention to customers. It's also fair to say we live in a world where even the advertising aimed at children is sexual because sex sells. 


I think many women think this is how society wants them tobehave and thatdeep down it also speaks to a primal part of us(which is why sex subconsciously sells) this reinforces that thenehthe behaviour is ok. Apologies for typos am on a phone which I hate

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Jade.Xuereb wrote:
It is difficult to express that without sounding arrogant.


You are right. And that's why I ask "my teachers", i.e. you women. Yes, that's the plural. Women who aren't named Jade can reply as well ;). 


If it was about very few females only, I could tell them things like "you know, I am only here for shopping". But because they really are many, it would be much more difficult to do so all the time. By the way, it isn't about those who work in those shops only. It is also about other female customers, and about too many women I meet on the streets when I am going somewhere.


Jade.Xuereb wrote:
I will say that a large number of beautiful young women are employed in retail, and they do have to be smiling and helpful and paying attention to customers.


They do it like this, yes... And by the way, I already considered that matter when I wrote my previous post. But there is something going on, additionally, as well:


- A certain number of them tries to flirt with me much more than they do with some other customers, if they try to really flirt with them at all.


- Some of those female employees also started some short conversations with me even if they weren't required to do so. I didn't even go to their counter or anything, but they still initiated their conversations, while showing that they are very happy to have the opportunity of talking to me...


- And as I already mentioned above, it isn't about shopkeepers only, but also about female customers in those shops.


wrote:
I think many women think this is how society wants them tobehave and thatdeep down it also speaks to a primal part of us(which is why sex subconsciously sells) this reinforces that thenehthe behaviour is ok. Apologies for typos am on a phone which I hate


There is something I am really trying to understand about that part. Because... in addition to all of those who simply try to flirt with me for whatever reason, there is a certain (although much smaller) number of those whom I, myself, also consider as possibly interesting, to some degree at least.


But if I try to signalize any of them that they have got any above-average chances, sometimes some of them do what is called ... playing hard to get. Even if I do make it clear that I am not at all into what is called an ...... ONS.


So in short, they sometimes are artificially delaying the whole possibility of getting to know each other (on an entirely non-physical level!). And, no offense, but I am somewhat puzzled why they risk to be removed from my list of women that I consider having enough potential for being tested (by me...). Because at the same time, they do consider it as sort of an ... honor ... to have the sole possibility of being tested. Most of them don't get any chance in the first place, because I ... do lots and lots of selection and filtering in advance, before I even consider to talk to any of them for any reason......


Also, I really do hope that nobody gets me wrong right now. But those women do treat me someone who is very special to them. But at the same time, they (sometimes) want to delay even the most basic longer conversations between me and them. I really don't know why. And I consider it, well, their "problem", rather than mine. But still.


By the way, I did have the experience of being rejected by one girl after another in my youth. Also, when I was a lot younger, a much smaller number of girls and women tried to flirt with me. This wasn't only in my youth, but also when I was a young adult (like 18 or 20). So I really am able to make that comparison. I mean comparing being someone who they aren't interested in, and being someone who they are very interested in...


Their overall attitude of wanting to be "recognized" as someone "adorable and ____" by the society didn't change too much during the last 10 or 15 years, I'd say. Even if isn't the very same of course, but still. On the other hand, someone else did change a lot, so ... as I said, I do know that it isn't about their overall interest in being perceived as beautiful / _____ by just anyone only.......

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#20
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Nevermind my previous question. Those "fangirls flirters" still are there, they didn't stop at all. However, I simply am very, very grateful (although NOT towards them...) that now things are entirely different. Now I don't feel that (previous) stress any more because of their too many flirting attempts. I still don't like it, but as I just said, some things are different now :).

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Did you meet a fangirl that you're a fan of ? :wink:

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There is a question to all women in the end of this post :).


Jade.Xuereb wrote:

Did you meet a fangirl that you're a fan of ? :wink:


No I didn't. And even if any day any of them would be able to impress me sufficiently, to call myself her fan would be simply too much. Because of some reasons I am not mentioning in public.


I just realized that this thread's title could be just a little bit confusing to some, although not meaning you, Jade. Because I stated that it isn't about flirting and dating. But later, I kept writing about those "fangirls flirters" and their attempts of impressing me. So what I was trying to say that this thread isn't about learning how I could do this and that flirting-related thing. Apart from the fact that I am not someone anyway who would just flirt with any woman he just met or anything like that... and apart from not needing to learn it either... but back to topic... So this thread simply is about how to understand women even better. But whenever I would be learning something about anything they do/say/feel, it would be on-topic on this log. Even if it is about their (not my) flirting.


Now there is a new question to my teachers (any female on this forum). There may or not be any answers. But nevermind. 


It is no secret that men often don't understand women too well. What could be the main reason?


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#23
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Irregardless of the flirting stories (because there are also men who are behaving like the girls in your stories...:sweat_smile::wink:), basically, anyone would think that the answer to your question is because of the differences in sex, hormones, preferences and so on. BUt right now I'm thinking more about "acceptance" of the differences between men and women. Men often don't understand women because they could not accept the fact that women are not "completely" like them. 

Edzky-18

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There's no one way of understanding women and i think the mistake some men make is applying the knowledge of Woman A to Woman B.

The beauty of understanding women, is realizing and accepting that it is a never ending process. How do you understand someone who hasn't fully comprehended herself?

Kevwe A.

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Oghenekevwe wrote:

There's no one way of understanding women and i think the mistake some men make is applying the knowledge of Woman A to Woman B.


I totally agree with this one. The complexity of understading women could also be attributed to the differences between woman A and woman B. Some men tend to compare one with the other, which make it even more more difficult for them to understand us. :sweat_smile:

Edzky-18

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Well, it'sValentine's day (in some timezones it's tomorrow) so...good luck understanding women! :D :D 

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dragonsky wrote:
Well, it'sValentine's day (in some timezones it's tomorrow) so...good luck understanding women! :D :D


Oh my... I didn't expect something like this...


First of all, I have been closely listening to the conversation of you all in this thread these days. Maybe it even continues. I really like to know women's perspectives on all of these things.


And as for the current guest post :) about that day... well... up to now, I made five episodes of my very own "reality soap". On my YT channel. In German. It is called the "fangirls flirters news" *eye roll*. Really, if I could choose between the current situation or between nobody trying to flirt with me, I definitely would choose the second possibility. 


But no matter what I try, they just don't stop. There would be one way to avoid their attempts... that would be staying at home all the time. Needless to say, that can't be done. Because of that, I continue to make those videos, as well as telling some persons I know (offline) about them. Today I made two new episodes. One of them contains some not-so-small praise for a female shopkeeper who never flirted with me. This is sort of an exception even... 


I keep being puzzled of the fact how I ended up being... the counterpart of a woman who is being flirted to by too many men every day. But at least the number of those who heard of my attitude towards them did increase somehow. My attitude still is "if any of you is serious, then maybe, just maybe, you would pass the test that nobody else passed for years. Otherwise, I am simply not interested in your "cute eye movements" and stuff. I really, really, really got used to it. It isn't anything special to me any more, so just stop it by now."  

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#28