Write & Correct
English

A poluted river

There's a river in my city, a huge one, it actually crosses São Paulo and goes beyond it to other cities. When I was born it was already really poluted, and I grew up with the promise it would some day be a pleasant place again, although it seems impossible: the Tietê is just a detail in the face of other urgencies and unfair facts of this metropolis.
Nobody even talks about it! You have the impression it has always been like this, for ages at least, but it's not true: my father's generation used the river as a river!
He's told me many stories about rowing contests and swimming, about how my mother used to gather with other girls on a bridge to cheer him when he was passing under it with his boat. He even almost drowned in the river in a rainy day.
I dream of picnics and sunsets on its banks, but it seems this is not the mindset in this sad city.

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Comment(s)

I would recommend that you write in shorter sentences. Do not connect so many parts together with commas (,), and especially not with colons (:). Use periods (.) and start a new sentence. Much easier to read.
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I see that you have received many corrections, which is fine. However, I am impressed that you chose to write so much in English. I understood you, and you communicated your ideas well. Many native speakers of English do not write it well with all its fine points. Good work on this! I hope you are encouraged to keep writing.
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I just wanted to add that I really enjoyed the "voice" of your piece of writing. It had a nice informal feel. It seems to me where your English was weak was when you wrote more formal sentences (e.g. the Tietê is just a detail in the face of other urgencies and unfair facts of this metropolis). When you talked about your family, your writing really shone. I feel some of the corrections provided, while grammatically correct, have removed some of your voice. Bron.Forman is the best correction in my opinion as the piece of writing still sounds like you.
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Corrections

A poluted polluted river
There's a river in my city, a huge one, it actually crosses São Paulo and goes beyond it to other cities. When I was born , it was already really poluted polluted , and I grew up with the promise it would some day be a pleasant place again, although it seems impossible: the Tietê is just a detail in the face of other urgencies and unfair facts of this metropolis.
Nobody even talks about it! You have the impression it has always been like this, for ages at least, but it's not true: my father's generation used the river as a river!
He's told me many stories about rowing contests and swimming, about how my mother used to gather with other girls on a bridge to cheer him
on when he was passing under it with his boat. He even almost drowned in the river in on a rainy day.
I dream of picnics and sunsets on its banks, but it seems this is not the mindset in this sad city.
Posted
A poluted polluted river
There's a river in my city, a huge one, it actually crosses São Paulo and goes beyond it to other cities. When I was born it was already really poluted polluted , and I grew up with hearing the promise it would some day be a pleasant place again, although it that now seems impossible: the Tietê is just a detail in the face of other urgencies and unfair facts more pressing matters of this metropolis . with its many injustices
Nobody even talks about it ! any more. You have get the impression it has always been like this, for ages at least, but it's not true: my father's generation used the river as a river!
He's told me many stories about rowing contests and swimming, about how my mother used to gather with other girls on a bridge to cheer him when he was passing under it with his boat. He even almost drowned in the river
in a one rainy day.
I dream of picnics and sunsets on its banks, but it seems this
is not the mindset in this sad city sad city has given up hope .
Posted
A poluted river
Hi Valeria,
In other languages we prefer to write in longer sentences. Speaking from my own experience with spanish, I can relate to your style of writing. That said, when writing in English, it's better to have fewer of these run-on sentences as they call it. I'll make a few corrections. The content is excellent and your spelling is almost perfect. It's only the syntax of the sentences that need a different feeling for the English language.

There's a huge river in my city , a huge one, it actually . The river crosses São Paulo and goes beyond it to other cities. When I was born it was already really poluted, and polluted. I grew up with the promise that it would some day be a pleasant place again , although it seems impossible: someday. Sadly, the Tietê is just but a small detail in the face of other urgencies and unfair facts of matters within this metropolis.

Nobody
even talks about it! You have get the impression it has always been like this, for ages at least, but it's not true: my father's generation used the river as was intended. Simply as a river!

He
's told me many stories about rowing contests and swimming, about how my mother used to gather with other girls on a bridge to cheer him when on just as he was passing under it a bridge with his boat. He even almost drowned once in the that same river in on a rainy day.

I dream of
a day with picnics and sunsets on its the banks , but it seems this is of the Tiete. Unfortunately, the city does not share the same mindset in this sad city. . Well done! You're doing great!
Posted
A poluted river Polluted River
There's a huge river in my city , a huge one, it actually that crosses São Paulo and goes beyond it to other cities. When I was born , it was already really poluted, and polluted. I grew up with the promise hoping it would some day be a pleasant place again, although it seems seemed impossible : . Restoring the Tietê River is just a detail in the face of low priority compared to other urgencies and unfair facts of in this metropolis. Nobody even talks about it! You have Seeing it leaves the impression that it has always been like this , for ages at least , but it's not true : - my father's generation used the river as a river! He's told me many stories about rowing contests , swimming and swimming, about how my mother used to gather with other girls on a bridge to cheer him on when he was passing under it with his boat. He even almost drowned in the river in on a rainy day. I dream of picnics and sunsets on its banks, but it seems this is not that doesn't seem to be the mindset in of this sad city.
Edited
A poluted polluted river
There's a river in my city, a huge one, it actually crosses São Paulo and goes beyond it to other cities. When I was born , it was already really poluted, and polluted. And I grew up with the promise it would some day someday be a pleasant place again, although it seems impossible : the . The Tietê is just a detail in the face of other urgencies and unfair facts of this metropolis. Nobody even talks about it! You have the impression it has always been like this, for ages at least , but . But it's not true : , my father's generation used the river as a river! He 's told me many stories about rowing contests and swimming, about how my mother used to gather with other girls on a bridge to cheer him when he was passing under it with his boat. He even almost drowned in the river in on a rainy day. I dream of picnics and sunsets on its banks, but it seems this is not the mindset in this sad city.
Edited
A poluted polluted river
There's a river in my city , a huge one , it —which actually crosses São Paulo and goes beyond it to other cities. When I was born it was already really poluted polluted , and I grew up with the promise it would some day be a pleasant place again, although it seems impossible : the . The Tietê is just a detail in the face of other urgencies urgent and unfair facts of this metropolis.
Nobody even talks about it! You have the impression it has always been like this, for ages at least, but it's not true
: my . My father's generation used the river as a river!
He's told me many stories about rowing contests
, and swimming, and about how my mother used to gather with other girls on a bridge to cheer him when he was passing under it with his boat. He even almost drowned in the river in on a rainy day.
I dream of picnics and sunsets on its banks, but it seems this is not the mindset in this sad city.
Posted
A poluted river
There 's is a huge river in my city, a huge one, it actually crosses São Paulo and goes beyond it to other cities. When I was born it was already really poluted, and I grew up with the promise hope that it would some day be a pleasant place again, although it seems impossible: the Tietê is just only a detail in the face of other urgencies and unfair facts of this metropolis.
Nobody
even talks about it! You They have the impression of it has always been like this, for ages at least, but it's not true: my father's generation used the river as a river well !
He's told me many stories about rowing contests and swimming, about how my mother
used to would gather with other girls on a bridge to cheer him when he was passing under it with his boat. He even almost drowned in the river in on a rainy day.
I dream of picnics and sunsets on its banks, but it seems
like this is not the mindset in this sad city.
Posted
A poluted polluted river
There's a river in my city, a huge one , it . It actually crosses São Paulo and goes beyond it to other cities. When I was born , it was already really poluted, and polluted. And I grew up with the promise it would some day someday be a pleasant place again , although . Although it seems impossible : , the Tietê is just a detail in the face of other urgencies and unfair facts of this metropolis.
Nobody even talks about it! You have the impression it has always been like this, for ages at least
, but . But it's not true : my . My father's generation used the river as a river!
He
's told me many stories about rowing contests and swimming , about . About how my mother used to gather with other girls on a bridge to cheer him when he was passing under it with his boat. He even almost drowned in the river in on a rainy day.
I dream of picnics and sunsets on its banks
, but it seems this is not the mindset in this sad city.
Posted
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